trevordayschool

PARENT PERSPECTIVE – Lisa Alberti A friend and mother of four grown sons once gave me wise advice: "If you want your boys to talk, get them alone— preferably outside of the house—feed them well, and then sit and wait. As their bellies fill, they open up." Beginning in second grade, my son, Carlos and I, established the tradition of going out for breakfast before our family conference. It gave us a chance to prepare and get in the right mindset. Because Carlos can sometimes interpret suggestions as criticism, and cares tremendously about how he is perceived, it has been important that we enter the experience on the same page and be fully present. As Carlos now completes his junior year, I look back on the 20+ family conferences we have shared and cherish them all as mental snapshots that reflect his journey throughTrevor. I have left each one close to tears (the good kind); it is a very personal and profound experience to share with your child. e family conference is a moment in time when I am privy to my son's academic world, can reflect on his school life, get a sense of what he is like in the classroom, and can tangibly demonstrate my support of his efforts and progress. While all his teachers and advisors have been very different, each has played a key role in supporting Carlos' growth and development. I firmly believe that our children benefit greatly by being mentored and led by people who are very different from us. When Carlos was younger, it was reassuring to see his connection with his teacher—entrusting our children to other adults is hard. During the school year they spend as much (or more) waking time with their teachers as they do with us. For me, the conference has always been an opportunity to glimpse at his connection with these very significant people in his life. I was always amazed at how well his teachers knew rough the years, I have seen my son's increasing ability to prepare for and participate in the family conference, to reflect upon the feedback he receives, and to translate that into positive action steps. Each year he is better at finding the themes and taking ownership, and it is often he who makes the connection between previous and current goals. He is aware of his strengths and interests, and he knows those areas of student life on which he needs to work. Most importantly, he feels the support of these most important adults in his life. To truly know oneself is the key to success. I recently performed a reference check on a Trevor graduate who was applying for a position in the Lower School. All three references described her as having an excellent work ethic, the confidence to ask questions, and the capacity to self-reflect on her actions. ey attributed this ability to self-reflect as the reason she has made unusually quick progress. e family conference played a key part in building up those parts of her. I know it is doing the same for my son. It is as simple and profound as that. him and celebrated him as a unique individual. As he got older and moved into middle school, his needs changed—and my needs for him changed as well. With his growing independence, I realized that his relationships with significant adults were even more important, not less. Again I understood how crucial it was for students to hear adult voices in addition to their parents', at a time when they are (appropriately) questioning the parental voice at every turn. And in high school, their lives become even more complex and dynamic— as academic life is mixed with their passions, social life, sports, arts, the prospects of college, and beyond. It is a time in their lives when they need to lean on those adult models and mentors who know them well; people in whom they will confide and who will advise them and advocate for their best interests. It has been powerful to witness the relationship between advisor and child. Top: Lisa Alberti and her son, Carlos; Bottom: Neil W., rising 5th grader, and mother, Molly, with teacher Bonnie Levine, Grade 4 Mathematics and Science, at their family conference.

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